During Daylight Hours

IT IS FUN TO DO STUFF. So we did things. Namely, got food and fucked aound (oooh risky choice of words!) the Trinity College area. Our first port of call was this sweet street side cafe for class pizzas. Then we saw a wedding in the Trinzer chapel. One guest wore a dress from Topshop that is now on sale. Scarleh. After digesting, we headed to that new milkshake place on Dame Street for some hotly awaited Kinder Bueno shakes. They were indeed class and the place was packed. Then it was off to Stephan's Green where we watched Italian students meet the face off each other. Some may call this dogging. As we took photos, they'd probably be correct in calling it this.

It was a good day.

And that's it

Nutty People in a Fruity World

I found my 6th class English copy. This is a story I wrote. I typed it all out, cos the photos were shit.

It was a normal day in foodville. Everyone was happy, until there was a murder. Tim the tomato had been fried, instantly killing him. It was all over the news because it was Foodvilles first murder. The culprits had to be apprehended, and quickly. The two officers assigned to the case were detective sausage and detective egg. Egg was 40 years old and had been with the force for for 4 years. Sausage was 30 and had been with the force for 3 years. Sausage was quite athletic but egg was fat, and could only waddle, not run. Sausage was single and egg was a loner. Together they made the perfect breakfast, but that's beside the point. They were the best men the force had ever had, and if anyone could apprehend the killer, they could.

First they visited tomato's family. They had said that he was shady and was a drug user. They went to his apartment and did a search. They tore the place apart. Underneath one of the floorboards they found a calling-card. It said :

Joe V. Turnip

2479054

Mob: 0872745398

They trashed the place some more, and left. They phoned the number.

Beep beep.....beep beep.....(picks up phone)

Egg: Hi

Joe: Hi

Egg: Say, are you a criminal?

Joe: No

Egg: Are you sure?

Joe: Yes

Egg: Aha! You said yes!

Joe: I know, I said it in relation to your question.

Egg: Liar! You confessed damn you, YOU CONFESSED

Joe: No I didn't you imbecile. I fart in your general direction! (puts down phone)

“Well, that sucked” said sausage “but I managed to track his phone.” “Where does he live” Inquired Egg. “Next Door” replied sausage. So they went next door.

First, they called in backup. A police helicopter hovered over the apartment block, police marksmen aimed at Joe's head, the area was cordoned off, and a SWAT team was waiting to go in. “When I say go, take down the door and go in” said Egg. “SNOW!” he shouted. “Just testin' ya” he said to the annoyed cops. “GO” he yelled. The swat team broke down the door. Tear gas filled the room, the place was trashed, and Joe was apprehended.

At the cop station Joe was tortured and beaten, and finally he gave in. he said that he was a member of the Turnip gang. The Turnip gang were notorious. They had been suspected of cooking other vegetables, illegal seed selling, banana peeling and illegal fruit smuggling, amongst other things. Their headquarters were in the middle of town, in Banana row. It was found out that Tim the tomato owed the Turnip gang seeds. A lot of seeds. And the suspected murderer was the leader of the Turnip gang, Don Turnip the VIII, and he was ruthless.

Egg and Sausage needed a plan. And fast. So, like in all good cop stories, they went to a lap dancing club. There they had some booze, got drunk, and formulated a plan. Their plan was to kill two members of the Turnip gang, steal their clothes, wear a balaclava to conceal their breakfast food features, ask to see the boss (Don Turnip VIII), kill him, and peg it. It was stupid and likely to fail, but they went ahead with it. First they killed a tomato, realised that they were meant to kill a member of the gang, and killed two turnips. They donned their new clothes and their balaclavas and walked in the front door of the headquarters. It was a very nice place, and it had snooker, a pool, a wide-screen TV, and girls. From a van swat teams tracked their every move, and after 2 hours they got bored and told egg (through an earpiece) to stop playing snooker and get on with the mission. So egg and sausage went upstairs, went into the Don's room, shot him, and ran. Sausage was out of there as quick as you could say “You're ugly,” but egg took his time, and he got shot. So sausage ran back in, grabbed egg, and also got shot.

It was time for the swat team. They ran in, shot everyone in sight, grabbed egg (it took 4 men to lift him) and sausage (one one man needed), and got out of there.

All in all:

The investigation took 1 week all in all.

Two apartments were destroyed.

One building went up in flames (the HQ)

33 people died. 17 were injured.

2 people suffered from insanity after the investigation.

Egg retired. Sausage got a raise.

And the case was solved.

I'll improve in timee

So this be lightpainting. I need to get some coloured lights, anybody know where i can get em? anyway..people should give it a go. Prob be easier with a few people as i struggled to hold the camera while holding down the shutter button andd holding the torch. When i was away i was told about it then i was just creepin about on buzzfeed and saw a link for amazing lightpaintings. These are rubbish, soon i'll perfect it!

What's the difference between porn and art?

According to the woman who overheard me, nothing. This was in response to a set of photos some guy took of his wife in the nip. And she wasn't even that hot. We were in the the Douglas Hyde gallery you see, because the Science Gallery was closed. There were paintings there too. One was of a girl shaking up tomato soup while taking a slash, (I couldn't take a picture), and another was of a girl smoking a cigarette and drowning at the same time.

Then Clikdikdikker went to go be cheeky to knacker thieves, and submissive, deferential and subservient to everyone else. I went to the library. Specifically, to the Berkeley Basement: that part of the library in which they fuck all the books they can't be arsed to categorize properly. I love finding entire books on very specific topics. To this end, I found tomes on

Which were beside manuals on how to stop your child from pissing and shitting everywhere:

And how to shoot down things:

By this time the library was nearly closed, and I needed to drop a deuce anyway. I found some last books, which may or may not have been instruction manuals:

And then I made sure that my stash was still safely in place:

And then I went home.

Although I've Zero Funds

A very kind tipoff resulted in myself and ClickClikDccker hitting up the fabled €1.50 sale in Ritzy Rags on Bolton Street. Too good to be true, I know, riiiight?! Their stock is mega sweet cos of a deal struck up with a french charity meaning they get in some awesome Parisian threads. As if this wasn't good enough at regular charity shop prices every now and again they do a €1.50 sale. Which does exactly what it says on the tin really. Everything in the shop is a mere one fiddy unless, of course, it's less. All this and it's for a good cause. Pretty much guilt free shopping? Oh, fangs.

Here's my haul anyways. Autumn, bring it.

Why yes, that is a tweed jacket with elbow patches. I'll be employing this with shitloads of layers in Prague to stay toasty whilst looking both intelligent and dignified. I've got this dressing for a different, icy, city stuff down pat.

Total cost of all the lovely tings? €8.30.

Oh, that just feels so good. One more time. €8.30. Nice.

Close up of saweet tuxedo shirt and paisley tie. Om nom.

I know, I am a lazy motherfucker

But to make up for it here's some lovely news.

Illamasqua are doing everyone a favour, member that foundation the girl in MAC told you totally matched your skintone 'till you got home and realised you looked something like some of the more blatantly non self aware members of the Dublin 4 borough of this fair city? It's been mocking you, right? Sitting in your press, laughing, 'Ha bish, you paid €25+ for me and how many uses have you got? None? Ah, shame'. No more! Bring any, and I mean any, of your old, unused or empty make up in and get a whopping 25% off anything you buy from Illamasqua. Eh, bit awesome, no? Details here. You can just buy me a drink to say thanks, it's cool.

k, i must seem like some sort of hunga with all my food related posts..

Some days i am, but this day was a special day as we went OUT for dinner. very fancy, i know.

Myself, Stack and Nolan went to the restaurant , The Yacht, the one in Clontarf across from Beachcode. As we were all out the night before in filth city that is Fibbers we were hungover and hungry. extremely hungry. you have no idea. I got the food shakes. Since Stacks Dad (Rory) is the head chef there and has won the title of 'Best Carvery of the year'....the best in Ireland!. We said we'd go, we were late for the carvery so we got other sweet nice things.


I like how i get right in their faces as they try to eat. nice.

Nolan got Fish and a salad and a side order of garlic cheese potatos.
(the ones from the telly)

Stack got prawn n beef curry with rice n some chips.
Her first time to have it. It went down a treat.

I got a fish pie and the same side as Nolan.
It was Whop and it wasn't crazy hot so i could dig into it straight away.

This be the garlic cheese potato side.

namnam.

After we consumed everything we had a lovely walk from clontarf to drumcondra road to get the bus. Oh how it rained on that walk but at least our food digested. Griffith Avenu is long, very long and straight, it seems some what never ending.

How NOT to start your day

These are shite. In the ad the lady is left all satisfied and happy as i was not.

So

This is when Mr.Zumo

i do heart zumos. the tissue doesn't lie.

and toasted holey cheese, cucumber, toms and mackerel come in. and of course WORCHESTER SAUCE. I used to drown my spuds in this stuff. hmm seems like a lot. meh i was hungry.

PAR-TEA

Everyone knows that balloons tied to something means partyy! right?
I guess here they didn't quite get that.
Roberta and i went to Santry park for this plot -land -open -day- thing. Oh it was packed to the brim with egar gardeners rearing to get their hands in ruddy dirt and to be knee deep in weeds n shit.

Bobby signing her soul to this garden. 10euro for a year. It starts in August, they will start de weeding the place which will take foreverr then it's gotta be divided or somet. I got bored listening to the man with the nametag so i walked about.

Exciting...*cough.*

Dog enjoying the wind. His owner was crazy and kept interrupting the nametag man.

"So it's nice to see a good few people here I'd just like..."

I SUGGESTED THIS IDEA 6YRS AGO AND NOBODY LISTENED

"well that's very nice good for you.."

WHERE WILL THE MAIN WATER SUPPLY BE?!

"well i was getting to that, i was going to talk about the shed that we will be getting"

WILL IT BE A COMMUNAL SHED!?

*crazy man dogs bark* SUSH THE MAN IS TALKING.

bark bark

AGHBLAH I'M GOING TO CHECK ON THE PEACHES IN THE BACK.

"ok sir"

I checked. There were no peaches.

I liked this. looked like a picture in a wall frame? yeahh.

Bobby being blown away by the wind.

Wow I love your skirt where dya get it?
It was my moms in the eighties.

A bird hanging out on top of the empire state building, nothing big.

Just a sketch of nyc i penned on a napkin

Audrey

Green lady

antics in the kitchen. but not really.

I was just in the kitchen and i noticed that the Fairy washingup liquid went back to its original packaging.then noticing it is for its 50th anniversary but still I think it's quite cute. They should go back to that design. So when i noticed that i felt i had to take a picture of it then blog. This will be a dull post about my kitchen but more about what is in my fridge.

I've said noticed 3 times there. unnecessary

actually twice. i can't count.
wait no, 3 times.

These eggs will be used tomorrow for a lovely fry. nam nam.

So we've got some toms, rocket leaves, bowl full of watermelon sliced up..ehh some pink ladies there in the draw..apple&elderflower juice. which is amazing. Flora butter. some grapes, digestive biscuits, apro soya milk (Leona's), some rashers in the other draw, half a cucumber and some fish sauce, oh and some smoked cod. really hope that's tomorrow s dinner. fingers crossed.

And this stuff! GROSS! i can't stand sparkling water. When i was away i kept buying masso bottles of water (thinking it was just normal water) then to hear a fizz release when i twisted the cap. a lil piece of me would die every time i heard that 'fiiizzzzzzzzzzzz'. Nobody likes you carbonated water!!! and knowing me people that will read this will be all.. 'actually i like that water', for the people that have the same dislike to this sham of a water this is for you.

This was today's dinner. Spa-get-he and garlic bread, which was whop or 'lush' as the English folk would say. hmm this isn't really the best come-back blog post i was hoping for, but it's better than nothing.. righttt???