Thursday, August 26, 2010

Indie 'till the end

Shitbuzz, whilst cycling home from work just when I was getting smug about it and wondering why I ever got the bus I find myself lying on the ground cursing the day someone put a curb there. In a touching metaphor for life I clambered right back up, brushed it off and cycled home. However, when 3 days later the arm still won't straighten concerned family members decided it's perhaps time to get it checked out (mostly due to previous history of broken bones left to reset incorrectly..hem).
However, when lumbered with a standard grade white sling I decide this simply will not stand. Like any blogger worth their salt quickly slapped a sweet silk scarf on over it (with some help from a kindly first aid trained technician) et voila, statement injury wear for the 21st century girl about town.

Also, not to brag but getting it signed by Zach Condon'll also do the trick.
Nah, I am bragging. He's preeeetty.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Friday, August 13, 2010

During Daylight Hours

IT IS FUN TO DO STUFF. So we did things. Namely, got food and fucked aound (oooh risky choice of words!) the Trinity College area. Our first port of call was this sweet street side cafe for class pizzas. Then we saw a wedding in the Trinzer chapel. One guest wore a dress from Topshop that is now on sale. Scarleh. After digesting, we headed to that new milkshake place on Dame Street for some hotly awaited Kinder Bueno shakes. They were indeed class and the place was packed. Then it was off to Stephan's Green where we watched Italian students meet the face off each other. Some may call this dogging. As we took photos, they'd probably be correct in calling it this.
It was a good day.
And that's it

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Nutty People in a Fruity World

I found my 6th class English copy. This is a story I wrote. I typed it all out, cos the photos were shit.

It was a normal day in foodville. Everyone was happy, until there was a murder. Tim the tomato had been fried, instantly killing him. It was all over the news because it was Foodvilles first murder. The culprits had to be apprehended, and quickly. The two officers assigned to the case were detective sausage and detective egg. Egg was 40 years old and had been with the force for for 4 years. Sausage was 30 and had been with the force for 3 years. Sausage was quite athletic but egg was fat, and could only waddle, not run. Sausage was single and egg was a loner. Together they made the perfect breakfast, but that's beside the point. They were the best men the force had ever had, and if anyone could apprehend the killer, they could.

First they visited tomato's family. They had said that he was shady and was a drug user. They went to his apartment and did a search. They tore the place apart. Underneath one of the floorboards they found a calling-card. It said :

Joe V. Turnip


Mob: 0872745398

They trashed the place some more, and left. They phoned the number.

Beep beep.....beep beep.....(picks up phone)

Egg: Hi

Joe: Hi

Egg: Say, are you a criminal?

Joe: No

Egg: Are you sure?

Joe: Yes

Egg: Aha! You said yes!

Joe: I know, I said it in relation to your question.

Egg: Liar! You confessed damn you, YOU CONFESSED

Joe: No I didn't you imbecile. I fart in your general direction! (puts down phone)

“Well, that sucked” said sausage “but I managed to track his phone.” “Where does he live” Inquired Egg. “Next Door” replied sausage. So they went next door.

First, they called in backup. A police helicopter hovered over the apartment block, police marksmen aimed at Joe's head, the area was cordoned off, and a SWAT team was waiting to go in. “When I say go, take down the door and go in” said Egg. “SNOW!” he shouted. “Just testin' ya” he said to the annoyed cops. “GO” he yelled. The swat team broke down the door. Tear gas filled the room, the place was trashed, and Joe was apprehended.

At the cop station Joe was tortured and beaten, and finally he gave in. he said that he was a member of the Turnip gang. The Turnip gang were notorious. They had been suspected of cooking other vegetables, illegal seed selling, banana peeling and illegal fruit smuggling, amongst other things. Their headquarters were in the middle of town, in Banana row. It was found out that Tim the tomato owed the Turnip gang seeds. A lot of seeds. And the suspected murderer was the leader of the Turnip gang, Don Turnip the VIII, and he was ruthless.

Egg and Sausage needed a plan. And fast. So, like in all good cop stories, they went to a lap dancing club. There they had some booze, got drunk, and formulated a plan. Their plan was to kill two members of the Turnip gang, steal their clothes, wear a balaclava to conceal their breakfast food features, ask to see the boss (Don Turnip VIII), kill him, and peg it. It was stupid and likely to fail, but they went ahead with it. First they killed a tomato, realised that they were meant to kill a member of the gang, and killed two turnips. They donned their new clothes and their balaclavas and walked in the front door of the headquarters. It was a very nice place, and it had snooker, a pool, a wide-screen TV, and girls. From a van swat teams tracked their every move, and after 2 hours they got bored and told egg (through an earpiece) to stop playing snooker and get on with the mission. So egg and sausage went upstairs, went into the Don's room, shot him, and ran. Sausage was out of there as quick as you could say “You're ugly,” but egg took his time, and he got shot. So sausage ran back in, grabbed egg, and also got shot.

It was time for the swat team. They ran in, shot everyone in sight, grabbed egg (it took 4 men to lift him) and sausage (one one man needed), and got out of there.

All in all:

The investigation took 1 week all in all.

Two apartments were destroyed.

One building went up in flames (the HQ)

33 people died. 17 were injured.

2 people suffered from insanity after the investigation.

Egg retired. Sausage got a raise.

And the case was solved.