You'll need these come exam time.

Well, you'll need some of them. Specifically, you'll need this one:

I know that if you're reading this, chances are you're not a rabid american footballer. But when you're sitting in an exam, sweating like Joeseph Fritzl on cribs, clueless as to what you should be writing, remember this speech. Fight for that inch, and maybe you'll pass by compensation.

But not everyone will fight for that inch. Some will attempt to cheat. But no matter what you do, don't be a scoundrel and snitch:

Of course, it may be the case that you fail, and decide to go batshit insane. If you do, let this be of inspiration.